It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
