no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
