member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
