Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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