I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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