i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
