I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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