piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
