me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize