she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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