just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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