We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
please come you make the beer taste better
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
