I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
