Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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