If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
