A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.