She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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