dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face