I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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