we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
