I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires