I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize