I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?