With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
