Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
