Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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