I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
