Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
