so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
