I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
