just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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