I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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