Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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