so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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