I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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