if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
