I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
