he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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