In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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