hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this will be a night to untag.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
