i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
