White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
