If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
