Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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