I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
