Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
