Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
