In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
