I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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