How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
