I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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