im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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