I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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