You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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