You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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