good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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