Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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