all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
