You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
