life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
