He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
