we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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