By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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