i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
