Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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