I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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