Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
