I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
