Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
