he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
