Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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