Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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