i'm signing you up for texting rehab
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
